Putting It All Together

I'm not sure of where to start. It's been almost a month since my last entry. In that time I've had a student get an abortion, the same student confess to me that her brother got her pregnant, a student have a nervous breakdown because other students ridicule her, and a student who has revealed that his parents don't like Black people and that he's really trying hard not to be the same. Amidst all of this, I decided to return to the St. Louis Public Schools' Family next year. The following is a public exploration of some of the reasons I have decided to stay at Long Middle C.E.C. Academy and an employee of St. Louis Public Schools. I figure if I can list more reasons to stay than to leave, then perhaps my decision making skills are somewhat sound.

To Stay...
1. would mean that I'm not giving up. This means that I have seen a guiding light in my kids and in my colleagues that is worth a fight. It means that I don't believe my school or my kids are statistics waiting in line to fail. Our kids have the ability to succeed and I would put my life on it. The problem, one of them anyway, seems to be a misunderstanding of the cognitive process. All students don't take in information the same way or in the same amount of time. It's amazing how the seemingly obvious can be vastly misunderstood and distorted beyond belief. As educators, some of us have turned this phrase into statements or sentiments like, "I've taught this concept for four weeks and utilized 6 cutting edge strategies and 75% of my students understand it, so the other 25% are incapable." We have equated time to quality instruction. We have learned to lean on our brightest children to boost our numbers instead of noting that authentic instructors find ways to reach ALL students. I am not exempt from error, but I am an authentic instructor in the making, therefore, I can't give up.

2. would mean that I'm supporting the Long Middle C.E.C. Academy Administration. The administration consist of Black females. Pardon reason #2 if you are unable to identify with my claims. I work in a building in which I am one of two Black female teachers. The other Black female teacher is twice my age, teaches in a self-contained classroom, and has a less than stellar reputation. In other words, we are- in some ways-world apart. The administration on the other hand, consist of all 30 something Black women, with the exception of the principal who has the spirit and energy of a 19 year-old. Not only have I bonded with these women, but they have welcomed me in with more than enough support. If there was ever a mix for instant family, they would be the main ingredients. We are like mothers, daughters, and sisters. As the youngest I tend to get hazed and spoiled simultaneously. Even though it gets difficult when your only real support system is the administration, they have modeled perfectly the time, place, and degree to which professionalism is required. In this case, to think of leaving would be to think of losing my "mothers" and "sisters". It is simply unacceptable at this juncture in my life.

3. would mean that I have another chance to prove to myself that my kids can meet AYP on state and district wide exams. As much as I "hate" to admit it, my kids' scores really dampered my mood around 3rd quarter. Maybe I wouldn't feel this way if I felt like my students could not achieve, but I KNOW they can. I'm not saying they will all score in the "Advanced" category, but I am confident that because I now have a better understanding of what I'm doing and my purpose in an SLPS classroom, my students will have an edge that they didn't have before. On the other hand, in the event that my scores don't improve over the next year and a half, that's a probably a good way to tell that I belong in Higher Education as previously planned! LOL What's more, is that I will not have given up!

To leave...
1. would mean I would have to give up everything I just mentioned: the good, the bad, the ugly, the super-ugly, the experiences that can't be described by the best author or the most dramatic storyteller, the emotions you can only feel when connected with moody, "she doesn't want to be my friend anymore" and "he's looking at the girl I like", sixth graders. Who would turn all this down?